Today my Divorce is final.
I am Divorced.
I am no longer married.
I am Single.
I am a Single Mother.
Any way you say it, it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Like I now belong to a club that I'm embarrassed of. All of the before mentioned sentences are "titles" I never imagined I would have attached to me. But here I am, a little less than 3 months away from our 10th wedding Anniversary, actually beginning a blog post about my new life as a single-mom.
It's been a rough couple of years. I am not going to divulge the personal and intimate details of our separation. This is not the place. They are sensitive experiences that my family has had and they are recorded in journals that will be destroyed if something were to happen to me.
The good news, however, is that I am in a good place.
My life has taken a turn in a much different direction and strangely, I feel at peace. As difficult as the past couple of years have been, I am thankful for them. I believe I am a better person now because of the trials I have had to overcome and the lessons I have had to learn. Life sure is a journey!
In the past 6 weeks Jared and I were able to sell our home here in Mesa for close to what we purchased it for. The kids and I have moved to a MUCH smaller (and easier to maintain, though I am NOT perfect) home just a half mile south of our old home. It keeps us close to our friends and at the same elementary school. It is small, 30ish years old, desert landscaped, and perfect in every way. We are fortunate to have a pool that we have enjoyed immensely as our temps here in La Zona are well over 100*! Due to Ward (congregation) boundary changes we are blessed to be in our previous Ward again with some of our dear friends. And lucky for us, our Ward now includes our nanny-friend Madison and her sweet family! We feel very blessed to be back with great friends and find ourselves very comfortable amongst our new Ward family.
The midgets are doing great, considering the circumstances. We are emotional up in this house but that's to be expected and fine by me. They need to be able to express their feelings. If they were not emotional then I would be concerned. Changes are hard and these kiddos have experienced a lot of them over the last year. I do believe Jared and I were able to space them out considerably which I'm hoping made it easier. But honestly, there is NOTHING easy about a divorce. It's all just an emotional, sucky mess! Though we are not perfect yet, Jared and I are digging deep to manage a mature co-parenting relationship for our children. We are a work in progress...
I'm grateful to have the love and support of family, great friends and my local church leaders. Through their prayers, counsel and friendship I have felt the tender mercies of the Lord bless my life and my children's life. I am so grateful to have a Father in Heaven who loves me and watches over me. I am going to survive this. If anything my testimony of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for me has been strengthened. I am grateful for the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am grateful to be close to the Mesa LDS Temple where I can go to be uplifted and feel closer to my Heavenly family.
I have much to learn. Hahahaha... That is like the understatement of the century to me! This single business is hard! I'm having to learn how to do everything over again but in a different way. I am still a mom but I have to learn how to do it differently then I did it before and if there was ever a time in my years of parenting that I wanted to be the best at it, IT IS NOW!!! These babies need me and I will be here for them come Hell or High Water!!! They are my everything and I will do my best to be enough for them. The rest I will leave for my loving brother Jesus Christ. Because of His sacrifice for me I know He is there helping more than ever where I fall short. I have faith and trust that what I can do will be enough and He can and WILL do the rest!
I have much to be grateful for.
I hope to do my best at catching up and continuing my blogging journey.
However, there is still a lot going on, up. in. here.
23 comments:
Cindi, you are an amazing women and you can conquer anything! Sending lots of love and prayers your way. xox
You are an amazing mother and all around awesome lady! Best of luck in your travels on the road less travel- I'm sure your bright smile and sunny personality will light your way! Hugs- Sabrina
Oops.. Traveled.
You know i love you girl. You got this, it sucks, but you got this
SO glad to see you back on here! You are amazing!! You obviously are headed in the right direction with all of this. I love you and look up to you more than you know!!
I really admire you. You have been so respectful, positive, sensitive (to what you say/do not say), through this. You need to be so proud of yourself. I have had a few friends get divorced and you just have been so CLASSY! (for lack of a better word, thats the only word I can think of right now)
I am so glad you are staying close to the temple and church :) Seriously, those seem to be the secret keys to surviving this and coming out of it even better.
Anyways I just think you are amazing.
You can do hard things. Love you!
Cindi, I am so sorry. You are so positive and amazing and I love your spirit. We are thinking of you and it is so wonderful that you have such a wonderful support system through the church. Much love, friend xoxox
Love you Lou Who.
I love you and all your midgets! You are my dear friend and I love you!
Love you so much Cindi. Can't wait to see you guys!!
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. There is always something for all of us to learn, and you are a great example. We can't wait to see you in less than in a month. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Cindi you are in my thoughts and prayers! Being a single mom is the hardest job in the world, so just remember that if you can do that, you can do ANYTHING!! You are amazing!
I am so glad you have peace. There is nothing greater. I love you Cindi and I pray the Lord continues to bless you and your beautiful family.
Cindi, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles! You are a strong woman who can do anything! You and your little one's will overcome this tough time with your amazing smile & spirit!
Even though we were only "in-person" friends for just a short time I have always thought of you as such a strong and independent woman. I'm so sorry for the struggles you've had to endure and have yet to endure but from all I know about you, you will be able to soar throughout and after all of this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little kiddos!
A perfect post in every way. I am so proud of you. And love you so very, very, much.
(that was me who deleted my previous commented. sent it off too soon and it sounded funky. this one - i think - sounds better. ha)
heyyy superwoman (and, yes you are!!), i don't need to be your best friend to know that you are being led by God in the decisions you are making in your life. i'm not going to pretend and give you advice like i know anything (cause i dont) but i want to give encouragment and say "you got this."
i grew up in a single parent home all my life and yes, times were hard but looking back (and though i didn't have God in my life back then) i can see he was with my mom and us every step of the way. that was THE most important thing. i am so grateful that my mom had God in her life because i have him in mine now. your children are blessed because you have God in your life and in theres. :)) p/s: love ur instagram pics! ((hugs)) xoxoxo
Your grace in undeniable. Keep your head up and when you feel like you can't go anymore, now that you are surrounded by so much love and support. There will be good days and bad days. Look to the good ones and carry on. Much love you and all your babies!
I have tears filling my eyes and heart as I read and re-read your blog. The way you word things is so awesome and I could feel the Lord's Spirit through all that you said. I can't imagine the hurt and sorrow but I can imagine the peace and for that I'm so grateful for. Glad you have found that "place of peace" (even once in awhile) because the Lord loves you and is there for you even when life throws awful trials your way. U R So AMAZING & thank heavens you're an optimist, Love, Aunt, Karen --- (see you in a week, hurray!)
I wondered where you had gone?? I follow a hand full of blogs that I have been following for over 3 years now and yours was one of them. You originally inspired me by your funny posts and 4 cute kiddos. I'm still shocked.... OMGosh, the big D is so weird/scary to think about and reading this made me teary. You seem like a strong woman and I'm sure you will prevail and move forward in your new world. You've got 4 beautiful reasons to do so :) Take Care! Look forward to reading about your "new" life journey.
You will be just fine girl. I believe in you and I love you.
Post a Comment